Ok, so as I’ve got a couple more people reading my blog I thought I’d make It a bit more on the Positive side.my friend (I won’t say her name) isn’t going through the same things I am Because unlike me the guy she likes, likes her back. Apart from the fact that she isn’t really concentrating on her studies I’m absolutely happy for her because I’ve started to notice the little changes in her character Whenever she’s with him.she’s happier, she smiles more, she laughs at so many things she would usually say we’re crazy (she still thinks they’re crazy but she laughs…) I remember a time when she hardly ever laughed and I spent most of my time in school trying to put a smile on her face. Trying, just tryiNow this is why I’m happy, not just for her but for myself. I guess it’s a title selfish but I’ve got one of my closest friends back and that’s why this post is dedicated to her boyfriend. 

Although I didn’t like him to begin with he was able to do something I couldn’t do, something I needed to happen, and for that I am truly greatful.

as we all know, there are people in the world who we like and people who we don’t like, but what we need to be able to do is appreciate those who are just good. Those who have done something to help someone else, whether they know it or not. 

Lastly, don’t categorise someone because of past experiences. People are too varied to be simplified to such an extent and there is good in everyone… Even your enemies. 

I’m waiting for something to happen. Not sure what its gonna be but it’s gonna be big and its gonna make me forget about you and how you’ve hurt me. I’m moving forward, away from those blind dreams that never lead anywhere, but I still need that push. Something that can push me over the edge of pain and hostility and into the clouds of bliss and contentment. I need that something to happen and I know it will but the problem that has been worrying me is  how will I know when I’ve seen it? when its happened? Who I’ve passed?mand the riddle that I’ve been pondering is if its really what I think it is. when I see it, will it just be something ordinary.will it not make any difference at all.have I pushed myself into believing that it is the truth.or am I just sad enough to make myself believe my own lies.

i used to blame him for my pain. But no longer can I rest my hopes on his absence. I would be better off but the path I have chosen has meant that i have been living in my own history.

but I’m not gonna let this control my very being. I’m going to move on and I’m going to forget and if you don’t believe me.

watch me.

Ok, so today at my school we had the vertical PSHE. Now if your not from England PSHE stands for physical,social and health education. It basically replaced citizenship And its vertical because instead of having it with your form (which consists of people in your year group) we have it with 23 other people from all the year groups. Now mosep people don’t like this but what I think is that even though we’re going similar topics as we would usually do, it’s different because your with different people. You talk to different people with different opinions and viewpoint and you get to see a different side to every topic. Different interpretations and ways of understanding.

you learn something new, you begin to grow more as you learn about different possibilities and what could be real. 

now, that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about. We were learning about civil and human right. We talked about different people in history who supported equal rights rand the idea that we all deserve the chance. Rosa Parks, Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King Are just some of the names that have past the test of time and are not just in our history, but in our hearts.

Discrimination still happens. There are still racist living among us but we should not abolish them through force, because if that is our dream then we are dreaming for no purpose. For just like those women and men that fought for rights to be gofer everyone and not a privilege, we will peacefully show those people who do not yet understand, and allow them to see the truth. They are dreamers just lie us, but their dreams have been tarnished by generations of hate and ignorance. Our mod is to take their black canvases and paint them colourful.

let them see the opportunities and let our world grow stronger because of it.

Awwwww. Cutest and funniest thing ever.i love cats (not that I’m a crazy cat lady)(let’s not blow it out of proportion(

Trying to understand what the worlds trying to say.
Trying to understand what the world wants me to be.
Trying to be the one that can look and see what you see.
Trying to be the one that wishes you could see right through me.
Trying not to ask why the world spins in circles.
Trying not to ask why the sun keeps it alive.
Trying to hope to be amazing.
Trying to not be more than most.
Trying to see you for your potential.
Trying to not see more than those.
Trying to trust in myself.
Trying to trust that I will see.
Trying to not lose my mind.
Trying to not believe in me.
Trying to picture you with someone.
Trying to picture you with me.
Trying to hold you in my arms.
Trying to not let you see.
That as these tears fall down my face I am asking to be me.but I am asking only one, I am asking to be free. And I will question everything including you and what you bring, but as vast as this world may be.
I am asking only me.

science exam tomorrow. Anyone notice why exams are always either in the winter or in the summer. I mean those are like the worst seasons. Winter, we’re all dying from the cold and in the summer we all want to relax. Anyways, I was stressing over my exams and I’ve realised that I always become unhealthy whenever I have exams. Ok, its winter so of course I’m gearing a bit more, but actually I always have to think about needing to eat and putting hat into my schedule because I don’t seem to have the time. And it he times that I do eat, I have to either eat really quickly, or just snack because eating just isn’t a priority when you need to revise. I know, crafty but for a Teenager I think wayyyy too much about my future and what’s gonna happen. I think we’ve all started to do that and it’s getting to be a little too muchFan think about your future yh, but think about your present too. Thwart are you doing right now? And is it something you Want to do? It’s it something you need to do? Think about the time your spending now and review the past. That way you learn more about yourself and you’ll know how to improve in the future to make it easier for you to achieve your drams and succeed in life.

The future is important…

But so is the present and the past.

This is awesome and it doesn’t matter if your a cat lover or whatever. This is too comedic for anyone to not laugh at.

It is 00:29 on a Saturday. If I was 20 and living by myself  I would be out with my friends probably being crazy, still sober of course ( I don’t drink) but having Fun. I’m not though. and that means I’m sitting at home, in my bed, writing this, try a make my life sounds interesting. 

It really isn’t. And that’s because I’m to young to do everything i want and I’m cool with that because from experience I know that life always throws rocks at your chest  before laying a feather on your back. I haven’t gotten there yet but I hope by the next time I’m thinking clearly enough to make a post at way past twelve, I’ve gotten another feather and I can happily tell you more about my life.

i don’t really know what to write about but I live with that philosophy because I don’t wanna be the type off writer that  only tells you the negatives and all the things that hurt. I want to be able to express myself through my art And that means happy times as well. So I would like to tell you all that even though I still think about ‘him’ every single day and I’m sad that he left I’ve realised that I have had absolutely zero memories with him that I wanna forget. 

What hurts the most isn’t that HE left. It was that the happiness I felt when he was around, the sheer bliss I was in, was gone. That’s what I miss And without it yh, many of my days are sad and a tad lonely.but not all the time. Some days I don’t even think about it.

And that’s because  I’m not trying to forget.

I’m trying to let go

Snow!!!!

Most snow I’ve seen in forever. Shocking considering this is LONDON. England weather is normally crappy. But apart from the fact that people kept tryna put snow in my face, it was gorgeous. 🙂

Ok so holocaust day is coming up and of course one of the teachers does a PowerPoint specifically about it in assembly. This isn’t unusual as we have this presentation every year and as you would have noticed by the students faces it wasn’t something really brought any emotion to us. Nocse we didn’t care but because although their talking about the holocaust and we know the basics of it. You know, how hitler (written without a caps lock because I don’t think he deserves it) was a very racist person and corrupted Germany as well as the rest of Europe by spreading his anti-Semitism ideas.this was quite simple. we learnt facts. But when your trying to get someone to emotionally attach themselves to what you’re saying and become involved you need to use opinions.

How did those people feel?

What did they want to make of themselves?

We’re they courageous? 

This is what makes it real and not just a story. And that’s what our teacher did this assembly. We were introduced to various people who were affected by it and their acts of bravery. And if even after that you do not fully grasp the importance of the remembrance of the holocaust. Then remember what my other teacher said. Not word for word. But she wanted an assembly every year about the holocaust so that we could remember the cruelty that was done to those people and to understand that cruelty that was done to them For an absolutely invalid and horrendous reason. And she said that we don’t just remember to remember. We remember to remind ourselves that thing like this still happen. Maybe not to this extent, but it still affects many people all over the world.we remember and remind the future generations so that they know it is wrong and so we can better ourselves and prevent things like this from happening.
As heard in the news many Syrian students were murdered just before their first exams. This is an example of such cruelty and should not be tolerated.To everyone affected I feel deeply for your loss as do many. I hope you are supported by the government and inshallah the students are in a better place.